"Fear of Love" Original Oil Painting

30 x 40 cm oil paint on streched canvas. 

What is love? Is this a made-up concept that works only in movies and poems? Can it exist without causing pain? Is it even real?

Abused... played... harassed... used...  left...
Is it what love feels like?

Desperate... trapped... controlled... sad...
Is it what love feels like?

Do you know what philophobia is? Philophobia is a fear of falling in love. It can also be a fear of getting into a relationship or fear that you will not be able to maintain one. Many people experience a minor fear of falling in love at some point in their lives. But in extreme cases, philophobia can make people feel isolated and unloved.
There's a lot of reasons that contribute to developing this type of phobia. Social or cultural experiences, enviroment where you grew up or trauma. As probably every human in their 20s that is single, I'm being asked a lot "why are you not in relationship? Why are you single? Have you met someone? Are you even trying? Maybe noone wants you". Then I'm being told: "You should meet someone. Your friend is getting married and you're single. I want you to have a child at the same age I did" etc. Noone asks me if I even want it... If I'm even ready...

Why yellow roses? Well they are universally known as symbols of friendship. That's all I can offer for now. Friendship and nothing more. I'm used to being alone. I feel safe that way. No matter how beautiful love might seem in movies I have only one clear picture of it: insecurities, heartbreaks, fear, sacrifice, abuse.

I know it's negative. That's why I decided to let it out on my painting... as a first step to change that way of thinking. After all...

"I want to fall in love again
But not the one that leads to pain"